Memorial Day Part 2

We loved spending our long weekend together as a family. We went swimming, had a BBQ, and enjoyed the time we had with our friends.

We are getting ready to head to Utah. We leave in just a few days. We get to see both sides of the family, and see some friends. Callan's birthday is on the 3rd, and our anniversary is on the 11th. It's going to be a fun 2 weeks full of non-stop celebration. You know my mom.... She's a big planner. We don't have a spare minute! 

Lagoon, River Rafting, the Zoo, hiking, family pictures, a wedding! So much!!! 

Memorial Day Weekend Part 1

We love Memorial Day weekend. It's such a special time for Military members. We get to spend extra time with our friends and loved ones. We get to honor, and remember those who have given their lives for us, for our country. We get to hold close, what matters so much to us. I love Memorial Day. I always think of my family that has passed on, and the men and women who have given their lives for us. I hold them especially close to my heart over this special weekend. I am so greatful for the freedoms I have that make it possible for me to spend my time with my family. 

This weekend Callan just got off night shift last night, last shift for a while, because we are on LEAVE! Yay! We are headed to Utah on Saturday! Whoohoo!

Callan got home @8am so he spent the day sleeping. Well... Until ArcherRynn ran upstairs to bang on the door and wake his "daa-yee" up. He just started saying daddy today. Can you believe that? I'm still mama, or Aubwee... It's ridiculous. I spend most of my time with this kid, I change his Poopy diapers, I wipe his nose, I feed him, spend all night with him because he's sick, and I am Aubwee.

Whatever kid... Good thing you are so cute.

Archer played in the back yard for a bit, can you believe how big he's getting? I just can't. I refuse. We went over to the duck pond on base, Archer played at the park, and then we walked around the little lake. Archer loved it. We did too, it was beautiful! We had so much fun. As you can see, Archer does everything his daa-yee does. It's quite adorable. I love my little family. We have the best adventures. This weekend has already been so fun. :)) I'm so excited we are finally on leave! What an awesome way to kick it off. 

Yeef mama yeef 

He's looking too big for that slide!

Like Father like son 

My perfect Family 

Just like daa-yee

Admittance

This perfect human being has captured my whole soul. He is a piece of my heart that isn't inside me. I can't express the love I feel for him. He literally is a piece of me. I'm not the most motivated person in the world. I just go day by day. I live my life, and I love it, but I'm just me. My son, makes me want to be my best-self. He has changed me in so many ways. For better, he IS my motivation to change, to be better. 

I am open, or so I thought. My friends and fam, all describe be as open. So I must be open right? No... I'm not. Lately, I have been figuring out who I am. I am not happy, and I am angry, a lot. I wanted to know why. After some soul searching, I figured out, it's because I am not truthful. I don't lie... But I am not honest with myself about who I am, about what makes me me.

I am Aubrie Nixon Harding and I am 22 years old. I struggle with mental illness. I have bipolar disorder. My mom, bless her heart, will tell you (me) "no you were never diagnosed properly" but do you ever just "know" something? I've been hiding that monster inside of me for so long. Keeping it contained is so hard, and I'm tired. That is why I am so irritable all the time, and angry, and not happy. I can't be. I am so busy fighting the monster inside that I don't embrace it.

Fighting makes you tired, it does nothing but make things worse. I am getting the help I need by admitting to myself what I have. 

Bipolar Disorder doesn't define me. In fact, it's not me. It is inside of me, an makes me who I am, but I am not my disorder. I am not my illness. 

I am Aubrie, I am 22 years old, and I am getting the help I need so I can be happy.

There is nothing to be ashamed of in mental illness. Getting help from a friend, a therapist, or medication is not shameful. It's powerful. It means you know you have things to work on, and you are willing to work on it. It's a beautiful thing. 

Silver Linings Playbook is one of my favorite movies. It shows the ugly side, and the beautiful side of mental illness. What people go through. How they suffer, how they overcome. If you ever get a chance, this movie is amazing.

I am ready to be honest with myself, this is step one. Admitting, and accepting.

I am doing other things to help me overcome, and to help keep the monster inside me under control. I am taking it day by day, and my life is getting so much better. A weight has been lifted, and I can breathe. 

Callan is so supportive and loving, I don't keep what I would do without him. And of course my Archer baby. I love my family!

Sesame Street comes to Fort Meade

The military is amazing. It just is. We are always taken care of. Our USO is especially amazing. One thing we have really enjoyed is the opportunities thry offer us that we wouldn't normally have. To kick off the Summer, they had the folks from Sesame Street come put on a special show for military kids, for FREE! 

Seasame street is a big sponsor of the USO and they do lots of things for military families. Archer refuses to smile right now, he's sooo broody. That, and he was pretty scared. Hes scared of statues. So you can imagine what he thought of these guys. Towards the last 10 minutes he started to really enjoy it, and even chased after Grover, when he came into the audience. He chased him saying "rawrrr". It was pretty cute!

Mums Day

Mums day! We has a great day! We woke to Archer coming in our room saying "mama, mama up up" so we got up! Callan made me a yummy breakfast, and we decided to relax for a while since we did our lunch date on Friday. We made our phone calls, and decided to go check out some hikes in our area.

We found a nice hiking area with lots of different trails on a nature preserve near by. It's in a community we wanted to check out anyway, so it was a win-win. 

Archer didn't want his stroller and ran down the trails like a boss. One whole mile!!! He's getting do big! We went and drive around the area for homes for sale, and found a few we liked.

Yes, we are house hunting! We are staying here in Maryland!!! We wanted to go back to Utah, but only for family. After a long talk with my mom (because I'm the homesick one) I decided I need to worry about MY family. Callan and I have more opportunities in our career paths if we stay here in the heart of it all.  We are really excited! Of course, who knows what can happen tomorrow. But for now, that is our general plan.

Anyway, Mother's Day was awesome! We had tacos, because I was craving them. Who craves tacos? We watched Game of Thrones. Wasn't that episode insane?!?! Seriously. Crazy good! We also watched Sharknado, and Silence of the Lambs. Bwhaha that's all I can say. And Dr. Hannibal? He's a badass. I might have found my new favorite "villain". It WAS Aman from Legend of Korra. But, Hannibal is pretty fantastic. 

It's 2:05 am and Archer fell asleep on the floor, so I put him back in his bed. Of course that woke him up. So guess who is in our bed, and who only wants Mama? Yup this guy! 

Love him so much! Until next time....

Happy Mothers Day to all those mommas out there!!!

The idiot generation

Life is far too short to spend it with my eyes always looking at a little screen. We have a finate number of days in this earth, and starting today I plan to spend them Facebook free. I will use my phone, iPad, computer etc... For phone calls, FaceTime, research, school snd updates for family and friends. I don't want my son to think that chatting with people through a social media sight is social, because it's not. 

Our generation, and my sons generation are idiots. We are ran by a machine. A tiny little computer, a mere invention made by very smart men. It has enchanced our lives, and it has destroyed us. We rely on technology to get by. Our smart phones have made us the generation of stupid. 

I can't even leave my house without my phone. If I do I feel like I am missing a limb. I can't go an hour without messaging someone or checking facebook. I have missed out on so many moments just because I have been far to busy involved in my "social" life to look up from my phone.

We no longer speak to one another face to face. And when we do, we can't stand to do it for very long. What happened to the girl I used I be? The girl that could be in silence and think. I'm now the girl who uses silence to mess around in my phone. Who am I? I have become apart of the new normal. The new age, I am a slave to my phone. 

I am putting it away. I will still update my blog. And occasionally Instagram. But Facebook is gone. I hope to get rid of my smartphone entirely. But, for now, I do enjoy having it. I live on the opposite side of the country from my family. It is wonderful to be able to use FaceTime to contact them, not just for me, but for archer to be able to see them. He has a relationship with them, and loves them because of technology. That is the part I love. So that is why I am reluctant to get rid of my smart phone completely. 

I'm done having it on all the time though. I want REAL human experiences and interaction, and I want archer to have that too. So here's to breaking out of the idiot generation. Here's to teaching Archer to enjoy people, and the world. Here's to making real memories. 

Until next time....

Rain, rain, go away.

 The weather has been awful. Raining non-stop for days in a row. We've even had flash flood warnings. It's a lot of rain. It won't stop. Then on Thursday it did, and boy, it was HHHUUUUMMMIIIDDD! Not like Texas humidity. Like it's a sauna and you can't breathe out here humid. My house was almost as bad as outside. I had to turn the AC down to 66* to get it cooled down and thr air cleared out so we could breathe.

Archer lost his little mind when he woke up and there was no rain.We got to spend all day outside in the humid, sticky, heat. So we spent a lot of the day suffering. Parenthood.... Suffering is defiantly a word that I would use.... It's worth it though? Nah... It so is, there are so many moments through the day that make it worth it. 

-  I was watching The Voice, and started crying. I'm such a wreck when it comes to people auditioning, and being all vulnerable and whatnot. Especially when I see how happy the moms get when they are watching their sons perform. Anyhoo- I was crying, and Archer looked at me, and got a really concerned look on his little face. He ran in the other room, and came back with a kitchen towel. He climbed up on my lap and wiped my tears, and then grabbed my head and forced it onto his chest, and patted my back. He said "iss tay, iss tay, shh shh shh" (its okay, its okay) It was the cutest and sweetest thing I have ever seen. My little boy is such a little tender heart! 

-  Archer was being a little sneak, and was drinking out of an adult cup (no lid) and he knows he's not supposed to do that. He was hiding in this little corner my the kitchen table, out of sight. I heard a "oh chit" (yup my kid says "chit" seriously  chit... Not sh*t) I look over and see a little head pop up. He avoided eye contact with me too... He's two not 14 right? I watched him, and he came back with a towel and started to wipe it up. The whole time he was wiping he's saying "ut oh". At least he's responsible and wants to clean up his own messes. Just to be clear, the word chit is a mix between shoot and sick. He doesn't like dirty things or stinky things, so "sick". And then shoot it obvious... So we have the word chit. Perhaps we should put it in the dictionary? Then people wouldn't look at me like my kid has a potty mouth. 

- Archer loves Thor. That's our 3 year old chorkie for those of you who don't know. Anyway, archer just loves that dog! Thor is a tiny little guy, so Thor isn't to find of Archer. When archer is in trouble, or is sad or throwing his tantrums... We love the terrible twos... Thor won't leave his side. When Thor has to have a bath, or get his nails trimmed or get something done he hates, archer will come over point his little finger at us and yell at us in gibberish until we leave Thor alone. I have a feeling these two will be partners in crime...

See? Being a parent is totally worth it!!!

Even if you do have to clean up poop that has been smeared into the carpet, walls and all over toys and an ottoman, all because Archer refuses to wear diapers. I will have more on that later. The kid who wants to potty train and mom and dad say no... We will as soon as we get back from our summer trip to Utah! So June 9 is the day mom and dad will take their child's wishes to be potty trained seriously. By the way... Is this real life? A kid wanting to be done with diapers, and the parents saying nahhhhh. 

Well, until next time.... Stay tuned for more adventures with the Hardings.

This kid ran out naky to play in the rain 

After playing for a whole he decided he hated it.

My Thor!!!