We are OUT

I am sure many of you have heard the news, that the LDS church will no longer be allowing the children on same-sex couple to be blessed or baptized. 

When I heard this news, my heart sunk into my stomach. I literally felt sick. I was raised LDS, as was my husband. Our families and friends are all Mormon, so we have a very personal connection to this church.

We both still have our names listed as members of this church, we are listed as inactive. Callan is an atheist, and works with a group in the military to help get the same recognition for atheists and agnostics and most mainstream religions have. It is something he fully believes, and is committed to.

I am, however, a little more open with what I believe. Mostly because I have no idea, and have no way of knowing if there is, or isn't a god. I consider myself a Diest. Which if you don't know, is:

A religious belief holding that God created the universe and established rationally comprehensible moral and natural laws but does not intervene in human affairs through miracles or supernatural revelation.

I also don't necessarily believe there is just one God, or that God is a he, or even a she....

Anyway, being raised LDS Callan nor I ever really felt we belonged. We never really believed. We just went through the motions because thats what we were raised to do. It just how things were. When I met Callan he was already set in his beliefs, I however, was still questioning everything. Callan, has taught me to look at things from every angle, and question EVERYTHING. I am so grateful to him. He helped me discover who I was, and what exactly I believed in. Even though our thoughts on God, or lack of God differ, we are always able to have intelligent conversations with each other about our beliefs. 

Raising a child in this environment has been proven through research to be more effective in their upbringing. Can it be more difficult? I'm sure it has its hardships. But, so does raising a child in any religion. Our son will always be encouraged to research, and question everything. If he wants to join  the LDS church, or any church for that matter, we will fully support I'm in that decision. We will encourage him to live by the standards and expectations of those religions. It will always be up to him. 

Now, after the news broke last night about the LDS church not allowing same-sex couples children to be baptized, Callan and I had the discussion about why are we still technically considered members of this church? We don't live by their standards, we don't believe in their teachings, we aren't members in our heart, just in name.
We came to the realization that we have kept our names on the record for the simple fact as to not hurt our families.

Mormons have a belief that you are sealed to your families for all of eternity. If one family member is an apostate (gays are considered apostates) as are murders, people who disavow the church are as well. Anyway, if a member of the family is an apostate, they are no longer sealed to their families. So, basically, our families believe, that they are losing us for all eternity. What a thought, and how horrible it would be for them to find out we are no longer sealed to them? Why bother removing our names if only to hurt our families? 

However, as of today, we are no longer members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We feel we can no longer be apart of a church that will not allow innocent children to be baptized. I could go into all the reasons this new ruling is hypocritical of everything they raised me to believe, but, I won't I want to keep this post light and minus the negativity. 

I can say, I am utterly heart broken for the people in my life, and the people who I don't know, that this ruling affects. I am so sad for them. Good, faithful members, who have been loyal to their church, are now being told their children, are to pay for their "sins." I can't, in good conscious be apart of this maddening logic any longer. 

My heart is heavy in sorrow, however, apart of me is happy that these children, don't have to be subjected to the hate in this church. Please, don't think the LDS church is all hate. They have so much love, and good things to offer. The members of this church, are faithful, kind, and loving people. And they should not be judged for the things their church teaches. 

Anyway, if you have any questions please feel free to email me.

alnharding@icloud.com

Aubrie and Callan



If you would like to have  your name removed as well, I will put the link below:
http://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

Well Hello there!!!

Hey there bloggersphere! Its me, Aubrie! I'm back. Its been over a year, I have been so naughty neglecting my lovely readers. Sorry!!!

This past year has held so much excitement, love, sadness, trials, and adventure. I'll hit you with the highlights.

We found out we were expecting another wee one October of 2014, unfortunately, that led to a miscarriage, and making the decision to have my tubes removed.

We went to Vegas for Christmas, some could watch my little sister perform at a cheer competition. Ways fun!!!

I turned 23 in February! Yay!

Callan got promoted to E-4! GO CALLAN!

Callan turned 26---hes an OLD MAN!

We celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary

We made our yearly trip to Utah for a wedding...

Archer turned 3 (que heart break)

I started a book club which has really taken off! I am so proud of it!

My parents just spent Fall break out here on the east coast with us! Whoo hoo!

There has been so much, but also nothing has changed. Its so strange how time starts to work the older you get.

Utah Utah Utah part 2

Day three of Utah we took Archer and all of the cousins to the zoo. Thai was the first time archer has been to the zoo that he can actually remember, or know what is going on, so we were excited! He LOVED it. The brown bears were in their pool and playing and it was so CUTE! Archer sat and watched them for 30 minutes. He was in awe! We also got to ride the train(archer loves trains), and when it went past the lion area the lion, who hadn't moved all day, came charging at us roaring as loud as he could! Good thing there was a fence. 

After the zoo the boys all went boating with my dad, and grandpa Nixon. Callan wake boarded and got up! Yay! Go Callan!! Archer went in the water too. He was pretty mad at first, and then after daddy got in with him (he was with grandpa) he was just fine! 

My mom, my grandma Nixon, Olivia and my cousin Abbi went to see Peter Pan at The Hale Center Theater in Orem. It was so much fun! I had forgotten how much I love The Hale. I miss Utah sometimes when I think about how much fun I can have there. I never really appreciated Utah until I moved away. 

Utah part 1

Utah bound! We just got back from Utah. We had a jam-packed, awesome, adventurous Vacay in Utah. We got got see 5 sets of archers grandparents!!! Tons of aunts, uncles, cousins... We had a ton of fun! 

The airplane ride in was a mess. We had a competently full flight with 17 kids!!! (Utah- amiright?) there was no AC in the plane, and Archer had an awful head cold. Snot nose jones! It was just horrible. It's a 4 hour 40 minute flight. And guess what? We sat on the run way for 45 minutes... Gah... Plus I was a tad bit hungover from patying too hard the night before with my lovely lady friends. Oh, and the power in our house was out... So the cleaning I wanted to do before we headed out was not an option. 

Once we landed, Rex and Jennifer came to the airport to pick us up. We spent the first night with them. They treated us to this yummy little cupcake shop down town Pleasant Grove. Cal and I split an Almond Joy cupcake. Omnomnom. Archer loved/hated the chickens. One of them pecked him so he didn't know quite what to think after that. He kept an eye on them though... 

We went to my grandma Gail's (myhappyplace) the next day. Well, I ran into walmart on the way to her house to get diapers, and saw her and my grandpa there. Random coincidence! Haha we spent the morning at the park, whole Callan went with his cousin to see Godzilla. Archer, my grandma, and I headed to the city park to play, eje we waited for my family to fly in from Arizona.

My mom and Olivia pulled up to the park, and archer ran over, and like it was nobigdeal ran right over to my mom, and said "hey nana", waved, and ran off. Just like he sees her every day. It was so funny! He cracks us up!

To be continued....

Memorial Day Part 2

We loved spending our long weekend together as a family. We went swimming, had a BBQ, and enjoyed the time we had with our friends.

We are getting ready to head to Utah. We leave in just a few days. We get to see both sides of the family, and see some friends. Callan's birthday is on the 3rd, and our anniversary is on the 11th. It's going to be a fun 2 weeks full of non-stop celebration. You know my mom.... She's a big planner. We don't have a spare minute! 

Lagoon, River Rafting, the Zoo, hiking, family pictures, a wedding! So much!!! 

Memorial Day Weekend Part 1

We love Memorial Day weekend. It's such a special time for Military members. We get to spend extra time with our friends and loved ones. We get to honor, and remember those who have given their lives for us, for our country. We get to hold close, what matters so much to us. I love Memorial Day. I always think of my family that has passed on, and the men and women who have given their lives for us. I hold them especially close to my heart over this special weekend. I am so greatful for the freedoms I have that make it possible for me to spend my time with my family. 

This weekend Callan just got off night shift last night, last shift for a while, because we are on LEAVE! Yay! We are headed to Utah on Saturday! Whoohoo!

Callan got home @8am so he spent the day sleeping. Well... Until ArcherRynn ran upstairs to bang on the door and wake his "daa-yee" up. He just started saying daddy today. Can you believe that? I'm still mama, or Aubwee... It's ridiculous. I spend most of my time with this kid, I change his Poopy diapers, I wipe his nose, I feed him, spend all night with him because he's sick, and I am Aubwee.

Whatever kid... Good thing you are so cute.

Archer played in the back yard for a bit, can you believe how big he's getting? I just can't. I refuse. We went over to the duck pond on base, Archer played at the park, and then we walked around the little lake. Archer loved it. We did too, it was beautiful! We had so much fun. As you can see, Archer does everything his daa-yee does. It's quite adorable. I love my little family. We have the best adventures. This weekend has already been so fun. :)) I'm so excited we are finally on leave! What an awesome way to kick it off. 

Yeef mama yeef 

He's looking too big for that slide!

Like Father like son 

My perfect Family 

Just like daa-yee

Admittance

This perfect human being has captured my whole soul. He is a piece of my heart that isn't inside me. I can't express the love I feel for him. He literally is a piece of me. I'm not the most motivated person in the world. I just go day by day. I live my life, and I love it, but I'm just me. My son, makes me want to be my best-self. He has changed me in so many ways. For better, he IS my motivation to change, to be better. 

I am open, or so I thought. My friends and fam, all describe be as open. So I must be open right? No... I'm not. Lately, I have been figuring out who I am. I am not happy, and I am angry, a lot. I wanted to know why. After some soul searching, I figured out, it's because I am not truthful. I don't lie... But I am not honest with myself about who I am, about what makes me me.

I am Aubrie Nixon Harding and I am 22 years old. I struggle with mental illness. I have bipolar disorder. My mom, bless her heart, will tell you (me) "no you were never diagnosed properly" but do you ever just "know" something? I've been hiding that monster inside of me for so long. Keeping it contained is so hard, and I'm tired. That is why I am so irritable all the time, and angry, and not happy. I can't be. I am so busy fighting the monster inside that I don't embrace it.

Fighting makes you tired, it does nothing but make things worse. I am getting the help I need by admitting to myself what I have. 

Bipolar Disorder doesn't define me. In fact, it's not me. It is inside of me, an makes me who I am, but I am not my disorder. I am not my illness. 

I am Aubrie, I am 22 years old, and I am getting the help I need so I can be happy.

There is nothing to be ashamed of in mental illness. Getting help from a friend, a therapist, or medication is not shameful. It's powerful. It means you know you have things to work on, and you are willing to work on it. It's a beautiful thing. 

Silver Linings Playbook is one of my favorite movies. It shows the ugly side, and the beautiful side of mental illness. What people go through. How they suffer, how they overcome. If you ever get a chance, this movie is amazing.

I am ready to be honest with myself, this is step one. Admitting, and accepting.

I am doing other things to help me overcome, and to help keep the monster inside me under control. I am taking it day by day, and my life is getting so much better. A weight has been lifted, and I can breathe. 

Callan is so supportive and loving, I don't keep what I would do without him. And of course my Archer baby. I love my family!