I've Sunshine on a cloudy day...

With my old age and wisdom I have learned a few things about this thing we call life.

One word of wisdom that I have learned that I have kept with me and use daily is:
"It is what it is"  We are all given a hand of cards, even before we are born. We can't change what hand we are dealt, and we can't trade or get a new one. We just get to keep the cards and learn how to play with them. Even if our hand sucks terribly, and we lose a lot, that doesn't mean anything. We all need to learn to play the hands we are dealt and play it with love, patience, acceptance, and dignity. Some times its easy, and sometimes its hard. But honestly, it is what it is. And if we don't learn to just accept what is, and deal with it, and be happy about it than its going to be a hell of a long road to the end.
So, it is what it is. As hard as it has been to learn this "word of wisdom" its been a lot harder to LIVE it. But, the minute I made the change from feeling sorry for myself, and complaining about every complicated and "unfair" thing in my life I have never been happier.
That doesn't mean I don't get sad, or upset, or that I'm always 100% okay with what I was dealt, it just means that I have learned to ACCEPT it for what it is, and ACCEPT myself for who I am.
Some people call that "settling"  well, I don't believe in "settling" I believe that we all know exactly what we deserve, and exactly what works for us. But sometimes we just get lost on the path. Sometimes we want other peoples cards and we are sick of our own. So because other people have things easier, or have a better life (all about perspective) than us that we are settling. Which is NEVER true. Which brings me o my second word of wisdom. "Perspective" Life is all about our perspective. Every creature, every being, has a perspective unique to their hand, and their life. Example: I was born with a rare genetic disease called nuerofibromatosis. I have type 1. When I was growing up (elementary-high school) I was harassed and made fun of because of the many birthmarks I have covering my body. There were things said and done to be that hurt, really bad. And it made school a living hell. Other than birthmarks and some nerve pain occasionally I had no other problems with my NF1. When I turned 17 that changed, drastically. The tumors that come with NF1 were finally here. And had decided to grow right on my spine. The tumor grew, and grew right on my spinal cord for months. In result I lost function of my right side of my body. I limped because I could hardly move my leg, I was in pain and couldn't feel my  right side, all at the same time. My right arm just quit working. And I couldn't fell when my bladder was full..... if you get where I am going.  Life just sucked. I cursed the hand I was dealt and I was miserable. After an MRI confirmed the tumor on my spine, and that it needed to be removed or I would become paralyzed, I was rushed into surgery. The thing about the NF1 tumors, is that even if you remove them they will eventually grow back. They are also like a ball of spaghetti. They wrap around nerve endings, and go every which way wrapping around muscles, nerves, and everything else they can get their hands on. They are VERY difficult to remove. And are only removed if they are in absolute need of it. And that sucks. They are very very VERY painful, and make life just hell. After surgery I had a new perspective on life. Which was weird. Most people have an Epiphany, or something. I just had a change of heart, a change of PERSPECTIVE. These tumors, and this excruciating pain are always going to be there. The tumors they can remove WILL grow back. And I can either have all this baggage AND be upset and miserable because my life sucks, and I feel bad for me, OR I can have all this baggage, and just deal with it. I can CHOOSE to be happy and to love life regardless of the hand I was dealt. It really is that simple. Perspective is everything. I have a dang good life! I have a loving husband, a baby on the way 2 little puppies whom I love! I have a car that runs, a steady-ish income. The crappiest,scariest apartment in the world. LOL and I have the most helpful, loving, amazing family in the entire world. Life is very difficult, and has many trials, and is full of stupid people, and its just plain unfair. But you have 2 ways to view it, and 2 ways to act. Life sucks, and so do I. or It is what it is, and I'm going to deal with it.
Its up to you. 

Updates....

There is no excuse to not keep up with my blogging! Other than I'm sick, I'm tired, grouchy and PREGNANT! My goodness! I'm so tired all the time!! Today I am 12 weeks pregnant. Which is considered the 2nd trimester. I know different doctors calculate it differently. But mu baby books, and my dr have said that 12 weeks is trimester number 2!! I have been lucky to by have much morning sickness. I have maybe had a weeks worth so far. Not bad eh? Pregnancy is beautiful and so worth it! But I get my days where I wonder "what the hell were you thinking?!" on those days it's always nice to have my best friend, my other Half, my husband by my side. He is so good to me!! He's putting up with these mood swings rather well! He's such a good sport! I have so much love and support surrounding me! Not only do I have the best husband, but I have an amazing family as well! My little sister olivia and I were recently chatting, and she asks me well how many people are in our family? I said well,there's 4 kids and 2 parents. So that's 6. Then there's Callan, and when our baby gets here that will be 8. She went silent and said really excitedly. "your having a baby?!" uhhh.... Yes!! We have been over this! Silly girl mist have forgot! She is only 8... Callan started his new job working for a private contractor under kennecot. I am so happy he landed the job! This is the kind of opportunity you retire from. And it is such a blessing! He works Monday-Friday 6-3 and on occasion overtime on the weekends. He works on the railroad! Please refrain from singing that song! Ha! His bosses love him!! And he can eventually become a conductor if he desires! Haha how cool right?! I am so grateful or the choice Callan made to opt out of joining the navy. I am so happy he will be there for our Childs birth! He works so hard for our little family!! I just love him!! As for me I spend most of every day cleaning, preparing meals, running errands, etc... And you would think that you would run out of stuff to do! But it hast happened yet!! Can't wait til baby is here! That will be hectic and fun!! Well... I'm out for now!!! Off to make some lunch for me and baby!!

Been a while...

Wow!! I guess i don't realize how busy I am.... Its been a while since my last post!! I cant let it get like this! So perhaps that will be a New Years Resolution? Keeping up-to-date in the world of blogging.
So... heres to 2012 and blogging! Well, this Christmas season was quite different than what I am used to. This was the first Christmas as a married couple, and our last Christmas with just us! Baby H will be here next year! Whoo hoo! We kinda didn't take this holiday season too seriously this year. It was, well for lack of a better word BORING. That sounds terrible doesn't it! We kind of just relaxed at my grandmas empty house, did laundry, and ATE and ATE! Not too shabby. We sent out Christmas letters this year... Ya... not my best work. I wasnt even going to, then after my grandma, and mom both asked multiple times if I would be doing one, I gave in. Next year though.... we will have a rocking letter, and picture of our family! I am so excited to start out this year! 2012 is going to be good! Heres to the end of the world!! JUST KIDDING!!