Getting pregnant was a very BIG risk for me because there are many risk factors associated with pregnancy and NF1. And you have a 50/50 chance of passing the disease onto your child. So when I got pregnant it was quite a surprise. We were excited, yet VERY scared.
My pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I was a "high-risk" pregnancy so if anything were to happen I would have doctors who specialized in high risk pregnancy to take care of me. My Dr.s refer to me as their "miracle patient" because my pregnancy went so well. I did have extreme high blood pressure at the end, which made me have to be induced. But all in all everything was fine.
I have an MRI tomorrow to see if my tumors have grown. My Dr. isn't too optimistic though. So hopefully they haven't grown. But it isn't looking too good. All I can do though is be okay with the results. Because there is nothing else I can do. I am a firm believer in just learning to love your trials and challenges, especially when there in nothing you can do to change them. So as soon as I have my results I will update! Hopefully everything is fine. If not, there will be another surgery, or chemo.... hmmmm I get to make that choice.
I do have a CHALLENGE that I have been wanting to get off of my chest. I do believe in remaining optimistic and accepting things for what they are. So I am going to take this time to vent, cry, and talk about my current trial. And then I am going to let it go and be okay. I think we are all entitled to get mad, cry, and hate things in our life. Because if we don't allow ourselves a "pity party" I think we would drive ourselves crazy! SO here is an invitation to my pity party...
After going to see my Dr. and in talking with him I was told I could not have any more babies.
Even though my pregnancy was uneventful for the most part, it could have been MUCH MUCH worse. Not to mention the chance of passing on NF1. That news shocked me. It hurt. My heart hurts. My mind doesn't want to accept it. That news was one of the hardest things to hear, and try and digest. When I think about it or talk about it my throat gets that swelling feeling. My stomach ties in a knot, and my head starts to hurt. I wish more than anything that my body would cooperate and let me have more babies. It's hard to not be able to be in control of something so simple, and so easy. I wish I could just be the one to make the decision if I wanted more kids or not. I can't explain the hurt it causes. It just kills me. I just want to be able to have a big family. With lots of beautiful babies and lots of laughter and love. But I don't get to. I don't get to have that. And it sucks. But there are other options. Adoption is a fantastic option. I am grateful that there are other things I can do to have that dream. It is comforting to know that. It doesn't make it any easier. But it helps.
To those ladies out there who can't have ANY kids I am truly sorry. My heart hurts for you.
I am blessed to be surrounded by a beautiful family who show so much support and love. I am so in love with my son. He is so perfect in every way, and I just couldn't ask for a better child. He is so gorgeous! I hope and pray he doesn't have NF1. We will know in the next few months. Anyways... I love my life. Thank you for coming to my pity party! But I have to close now. Its over!!! So I am closing the door on this trial and I am choosing to love it and learn from it!
Life is too short to be anything but happy.
Isn't he just SO perfect?
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